Encouragement is a dirty word in my family

I think the main problems in my life has been the facts that I have never been encouraged to do anything and when I have started something I have never been pushed to keep it up and always bailed out as soon as its got a bit tough.
Nobody ever said

“Stick with it son, you can do this”



Now when I say I have never been pushed, I mean my parents.

I’m not going to bitch and moan about how hard my childhood was because it wasn’t. Whilst I wasn’t encouraged I was never discouraged either.

Hence the fires.

So I have bumbled along in my own little world leaving a trail of half finished projects and dreams ranging from a graphic novel to a model village.
Some don’t even start before I quit.

I was so disillusioned as a kid I went through a phase of thinking that I was some cruel experiment by my folks.

“We’ll just let this one be and see what happens”

So when little sis came along they were all like.

“We better push this one; the last one is a write off”

And that’s why she went to a better school, had the music lessons I always wanted and asked for, gained her music scholarship. It all carried on, the praise and basic affection, all the way up to her leaving sixth form and they were looking at what University she should go to, to do her Music teacher training.

This was back at the time when they were all toying between Music Teacher or maybe Music Therapist. While I had discovered the joys of cheap cider, weed and was embarking on my own brand of education.

Then it happened she said the magic words.

“What if I stay and work in the Nursery for a year?”

This was a brilliant idea! She could get some real life working experience under her belt!

Of course Eight years later she is still working there and still getting paid rubbish money to look after kids she only ever has bad things to say about.

I can’t remember the last time she even picked up an instrument or mentioned going to university, she did briefly talk about going to college at nights to get some qualification in Nursery nursing but that is also long passed.

And that’s the beautiful thing even after all the pushing, coaxing and prodding she has amounted to nothing either.

At least I always promised my end results from the word go.

Now I may sound bitter and it’s probably because deep down I am.

But let me tell you something I know now that I could achieve something if I wanted to.

And who knows maybe some day I will.