Another Day in Happy Green Forest

Narrator: It’s another sunny day in Happy Green Forest and Snappy Turtle the postman is out on his rounds.

Snappy is stood next to a large tree with a door in its trunk. There is a red mail box, with Sally Squirrel painted on it in Yellow childish letters, nailed to the tree.

A face appears in the doors glass and looks out inquisitively.

The door opens slowly, and Sally Squirrel wearing a white dressing gown and a towel ontop of her head like a turban peers round it at the Turtle in the post office uniform.


Sally (in a naturally squeaky happy voice) : Whatcha doin’?

Snappy (in a low, dull, slow voice) : Got some mail for ya’

Sally opens the door fully.

Sally(excited) : Yay! I love getting mail! Is it a postcard from my great uncle Vern?

Snappy: I don’t know I’m not allowed to read the mail, s’more than my jobs worth luv

Sally: Is it a letter from my Aunt Marge?

Snappy: S’in a brown envelope … s’probably a bill

Sally (dejected) : Oh can I have it then?

Snappy: Sure can, S’in the bag

Snappy gestures with his head to the heavy bags loaded onto his shell

Sally: I have to get my own mail out of the sack?

Snappy: Yup

Sally: ok … aaaand can I ask why?

Snappy: Sure can



Sally and Snappy stand looking at each other for a long drawn out moment






Sally (annoyed and through gritted teeth) : Why do I have to get my own mail out of your sacks? The mail you are meant to deliver

Snappy: I aint got no hands.

Sally: What?

Snappy: I aint got any hands, can’t pick things up when you aint got no hands.

Snappy waves his flippers at the clearly confused Squirrel.

Sally (slowly): I see so, why didn’t you ring the bell instead of just standing outside until I saw you?

Snappy: Can’t ring the bell

Sally: Because you haven’t got any hands?

Snappy: Nope, I aint got no legs either, can’t stand up to reach it

Snappy turns to waggle his even smaller flippers at her

Sally: So you just walk house to house and wait for the folks of Happy Green Forest to come and get their own mail?

Snappy: S’more of a crawl or maybe a shuffle, but yeah that’s pretty much the long and short of it. I go into the depot, they load me up and off I plod.

Sally: This is ridiculous, Just how did you get this job?

Snappy: I’m on a scheme

Sally: A scheme?

Snappy: Yup I aint allowed to claim jobseekers no more, on account of me being able to work its just peoples discrimination that stops me. It was this or the milk round but ... (sadly and with a loud sigh) I aint no milkman material.

Sally: But with the milk round you get the float!

Snappy: Can’t drive me no float

Sally: No licence?

Snappy: Aint got no hands can’t steer the wheel, aint got no legs can reach the pedals.

Sally stands blinking slowly with a dumfounded look on her face unable to say anything

Narrator: And so another day ends in Happy Green Forest, take care you.

Sally: This is so stupid …