Freedom

Things just kind of snowball, know what I mean?
Its like an addiction what once sated you isn’t enough.
And then you need more.

And more and more and more.

I aint gonna tell you about my messed up childhood because I never had one.
A childhood that is.

Dad liked a drink, Mum did too.

I spent a lot of time on my own growing up and I grew up fast.
After the second fire I knew when to take the chip pan off.
After the first black eye I knew when to be quiet.
Some lessons you learn faster than others.

It was when Dad lost his job at the plant that the arguments started.
No money coming in meant not as much to pour down their necks.
Then it meant not enough food to go round and plenty to drink.

One night mum came running into my room and held me tight.
A loving embrace?

A human shield
What man could stab the mother of his child like that?
No man
And that’s how I got my very first scar
A pale dot that seemingly shrank with age
It is the centre of my universe

That night was my big bang
Questions were asked
How did she cut herself?
What was she doing with the knife?
Things improved for a while
I was almost smothered with over zealous love
And the association of pain and love was born

Blood is a release
When the pain builds and I can’t breathe
I cut myself and I am free