Hypocrisy?

A few years ago, someone very close to me got cancer. It wasn't a particularly nasty form of it, but despite posturing to the contrary, I was worried.

The person in question maintained that they weren't fussed about it, and their doctor took the same view. It was a small amount, localised, and easily treated with radiotherapy. 

Still, these things fester in your mind, and human nature dictates that you fear the worst, which is what I did, although I took immeasurable comfort from the attitude of the person who had the big C.

Now, I'm not a religious person- i'm pretty much a births, marriages and deaths type for church visits, but I've always loved churches, cathedrals- you know, buildings like that. I love the architecture, the scale of some of them, that kind of thing. So, while on a roadtrip around the country, I called into a pretty damn big cathedral in a northern town.

When I say I'm not a religious person, that's quite the understatement- were it not for my liberal way of thinking, I'd be outright atheist. I've read the God Delusion, I've argued in favour of science over religion, and mostly, I'm of sane mind, who doesn't believe in fairy tales.

But on the day I stepped into that cathedral, something possessed me. There was a book for prayers to be read at the next service, and I asked for the congregation to pray for the person close to me that they'd be cured.  I felt like a hypocrite as I wrote it, but I figured, it works for some, why not me?

The thing is, that person pulled through. The cancer went, and they have since made a full recovery, for which I will be eternally grateful.

But now, whenever I argue against the existence of God, I feel awful. What if? What if there is a heaven, and when I get to the pearly gates they ask me 'Why, when we answered your prayers, did you still deny our existence? Why should we let you in, you ingrate?'

Here's hoping that if there is a big fella upstairs, he's pretty lenient.